Bad decision

I am an idiot.

I started a book on tape last night after Scarlet went to bed (7:30). I played computer games while I listened and because I was enthralled a few hours later, I stayed up to continue listening after Josh went to bed at 10:30. Then I sort of lost track of time and didn't realize how many cd's I had gone through until my stomach rumbled with hunger at 3 a.m. I ate some crackers and cheese and listened some more, occasionally playing games on the ipad until the battery was completely sapped, and alternating to games on my computer. I could not stop listening to this story, you guys.

It was only at 5:30 a.m. that I was too stiff, cold, and exhausted to concentrate on the story any longer, so I paused the cd and stumbled to bed. Josh woke up briefly to chastise me on my unwise decision (somehow he knew exactly what time it was even though he was half-asleep) before wrapping his blanket-heated arms around me so I could warm up more quickly. I fell asleep and woke up to Scarlet's smiling face next to mine at almost 11 this morning. Josh, the big sweetheart, had gotten up with her at 6:15 and fed her, played with her, and changed her before putting her down for her morning nap. I hadn't heard any of this, I was so deeply asleep. But after Scarlet had woken from her nap, Josh had brought her into my bed and her happy noises were enough to finally stir me from my sleep.

It wasn't so bad at first. I felt moderately refreshed and I was able to get dressed and eat some brunch with Josh. I listened to some more of that book on cd (somehow less enthralling after my rest) and then went to Costco with Josh and Scarlet. It was about halfway through the shopping trip that it hit me. A huge, invisible wall of exhaustion that caused my knees to buckle and my eyes to droop. I stumbled around the store, hanging on to the shopping cart to keep me upright. My limbs were SO HEAVY. We got home, put the food away, put Scarlet down for a nap, and I lay on the couch, listening to the end of the book.

I never recovered. I am apparently far too old to stay awake all night. I remember pulling all-nighters in high school and college all the time. Midnight movies, study sessions, really good books--I wouldn't even think twice about skipping sleep for something more interesting. And yes, I was tired, but I was functional and even a little victorious for having endured an entire night of not-sleeping. But no more. I don't know if it's my age, my regular sleep habits, or my almost-one-year-old that make me so tired, but I made a really bad decision to stay up last night. Even for as worthy a cause as reading a truly fascinating story.*

*If you want to be enthralled in an interesting book, I recommend Me Before You by Jojo Moyes.