Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted. I've been kind of busy with this little lady:
It's amazing how she's turned my life upside-down. I knew it was a big commitment to have a baby, so Josh and I waited a couple of years until we felt ready to give all of our love to our children. I knew it meant giving all of my time, sacrificing my body, and shifting my priorities, but I had no idea I'd be giving up all my hobbies, too. I can't just sit and read a book because Scarlet won't behave for that long. She keeps interrupting this blog post with her cries for attention. We were late for church for the first time in forever (even though we were were all dressed and ready to go an hour early) because Scarlet was being fussy and demanded to have an extra-long feeding for comfort. I knew my priorities would shift, but I really didn't expect to have only one priority. It's been an adjustment, but waking up to this smiling baby every morning helps me stay positive.
I've started to slowly return to my old routine. The first return I had to adjust to was actually personal grooming. They told us in the baby class that it might be difficult to feel pretty and well-put-together during those initial weeks after having the baby. Your body feels weird and you're sore and tender and recovering. Well, I didn't expect to struggle just to get in a regular shower and to get dressed. I had to start pushing back my get-ready time from when I first woke up to when Scarlet was fed and let me leave her for twenty minutes. I would sneak in a shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, put in my contacts, blow-dry my hair, and grab a bowl of cereal as quickly as possible. I've gotten pretty good at it, and of course, I can sleep in on the weekends when Josh is around to help, so it's not been a bad adjustment.
The second return to my old routine involved work. I knew I had to be able to give an honest 8-hour day at my job despite Scarlet's needs, and that was a tricky balancing act. I think I've gotten the hang of it, though, since the nature of my work requires me to work intensely some hours but not very much at other times. I can work very intensely during Scarlet's nap times and when she's being pleasant in her swing. That has allowed me to get quite a lot of work done, to the point that I asked for more to do and was given this massive and awesome assignment.
The next return has been my reading. I thought I would do nothing but read on maternity leave and I was really looking forward to it, but that was not the case. I could barely find the time when Scarlet would let me--mostly I sneaked in books while she was sleeping in my arms. I've gotten better since then at finding time to read. I have this huge list of books I want to read this year and I was pushed off track when Scarlet was born. It was easier to watch ten minutes of television than to be interrupted ten minutes into a book, so I usually watched television instead of trying to complete my reading list during my maternity leave. This past month was the first time I had not finished reading my book club book in time for our next meeting. It was terribly depressing, and I vowed not to let it happen again. I read the book retroactively and now I'm working diligently on the next book so that I come prepared to the next meeting. Mothers with young children read all the time--I should be no different. I just have to make it a bigger priority.
The final return--and the one I've been dreading the most--was with my schoolwork. I originally took a two-month sabbatical from school but then I pushed it to three months because I was nowhere near ready to return to school. I wasn't organized or in the right mindset. I now have three more weeks before I start my second term at WGU, and I need to get back in the habit of doing schoolwork.
Josh and I have worked out this little arrangement that we started yesterday. After dinner, when Scarlet is at her neediest, Josh has agreed to take care of her exclusively for two hours so I can get uninterrupted studying done. It worked okay so far, but I can't believe how little I can accomplish in two hours. I'll really have to work to keep from getting discouraged at my pace. Maybe as Scarlet gets older, it will be less difficult to fit schoolwork into our routine, but in the meantime I'll keep trying since school is definitely something I'd like to be able to bring back.
And there you have it. Little by little I'm balancing out my old life with my new. And if I ever get discouraged at the inefficient and plodding pace at which I do things now, I'll just keep reminding myself:
...it was all worth it.
