Life has gone on and so much has happened and nothing has really happened. It's hard for me sometimes to pause life and find a bit of perspective to write about it, but it's been too long since I've written, so I'll try to briefly bring everyone up to date.
Scarlet is ridiculously sick right now. She caught something/is teething/might be dying this past Sunday and is no better four days later. Her appetite is reduced and it's a struggle to push fluids on her. I've resorted to juices, gatorade, and popsicles to get some form of nutrition/calories into her. The popsicles are great since they're made of vegetable and fruit juices with very little sugar. She's somehow fooled into thinking they're good (they're not), so she'll eat those most of the time. There are moments, however, when all she wants to do is be held and even cuddling and getting all of my attention won't stop her from whimpering and just plain feeling lousy. My heart hurts every time I hear her cough that deep-chested cough. If she hasn't made significant progress by next Sunday, she's going to visit her favorite pediatrician.
Josh has also been very ill this week. For a man who never takes a sick day, this week he's only been able to work six hours. He has just been dying in bed. Luckily for me, Josh is the type of sick person who retreats quietly to nurse his wounds, so he's not dependent on me to take care of him. That has made it easier for me to tend to Scarlet's many needs, although I wish I could serve him during this time when he's feeling so poorly.
I have not been sick at all, which is some sort of minor miracle in this den of illness. I have been able to work every day and get quite a lot of my assignments done despite a needy baby. I went to bed feeling stress and dread on Sunday night because there was simply too much to do, but in the first two hours of work I had done half of my weekly assignments and suddenly had more than enough time to complete the rest of my work. That was some kind of major miracle since work has been a huge ball of stress lately, with tight deadlines, too many assignments, and virtually no editors available/qualified to work on them.
Tomorrow marks the first of the new year, and the following day I start my master's in instructional design at WGU. I wanted to take advantage of the huge WGU discount while I'm still working, and now feels like the right time to do it. Often I get a little wistful at the things I can't do with my education: I can't go to law school, I can't pursue a PhD, and I can't even get an AA from SLCC. All of that requires more time and money than I have to give. Now that Scarlet is in our lives, it feels wrong for me to dedicate so much time away from her and to spend money that could go towards our savings (or that we simply don't have). I'm not my own person anymore--I'm part of a family and that comes with responsibilities that require me to make sometimes really hard sacrifices. I've always wanted to go to law school, but every time I plan out how long it would take to save up for it and how long I'd have to work to pay for it and how many potential children I could have by then and how many years I'd need to essentially ignore my family...*sigh* It just isn't feasible. I know several people who are moms and dads and pursuing PhDs and they are absolutely amazing to me. I am a teensy bit jealous of them but mostly just awestruck at the smart choices they made earlier on in their lives to make their degrees now a possibility. I didn't make the same smart choices so those possibilities that come with early, smart decision-making aren't available to me. I simply don't have the years left in my life to dedicate to endeavors best undertaken while either single or childless. Now I need to focus on smart decisions relevant to this stage of my life.
Okay, moping done. In order to sweeten some of that "lost-time" bitterness, I'm pursuing another master's degree at WGU. I can afford to pay the tuition and it allows me to continue to work and spend time with Scarlet at home. The program is from a school I don't entirely respect in a field I'm not entirely fascinated with, but all knowledge is useful and I can find interest in anything, so this isn't a waste of time. I found lots to learn in my MBA program and I've never been interested in business. I wish WGU offered more degrees in more interesting fields, but I'll take anything I can get. There are many good things about this program and about my entering it. I'm mostly just excited to get started and see how many classes I can pull off in my first term. I love challenges.
So tomorrow is my last day to read and enjoy my free time. I'll probably spend most of my day wiping Scarlet's nose and trying to sneak a gummy vitamin into her mouth when she's not looking, but it won't matter what I do. I could skip it altogether because I am more than ready to get going on this new program. Here's to 2015!
