The Only Sugar-coated, Dipped-in-chocolate Cereal That's Kid-Tested And Kid-Approved!

I just now ate my first ever bowl of Cookie Crisp. Do you remember those? The nasty-looking, impossibly-sweet mini cookie cereal from the 90s that had all mothers shaking their heads before the commercial could point out the "nutrition" facts? That cereal. I didn't even know they still made that cereal, and I've never had it before tonight. It's actually really gross. Tastes sickly sweet and slightly sour at the same time. I also probably shouldn't have eaten it at 2 in the morning, but I was hoping to crash from a sugar rush to make me sleepy and allow me to fall asleep. Thirty minutes later and I'm not feeling the effects yet, but I remain hopeful.

Anyhoo, eating that awful blast from the 90s made me think of all the cereal commercials I grew up watching, and I started wondering about which of those cereals are still around. Froot Loops and Lucky Charms are still kicking, even though they're impossibly sweet. But if Fruity Pebbles still sells, then those two cereals look like Oats and Bran by comparison. Remember the rice krispie treats cereal? Where there were chunks of rice krispie treats and you apparently just added milk and called it a cereal? Man, I wanted to try that cereal so badly as a kid. Now the very thought of it makes me want to throw up. Or maybe that's just the Cookie Crisp talking.

I loved the Apple Jacks commercials. Those are the ones where someone would always point out that it doesn't taste like apples. I guess the cinnamon flavor validated the title a little, but just because cinnamon and apples go well together (in a pretty decent pie, that is) doesn't mean you should point out what the cereal DOESN'T taste like to defend a pretty pathetic brand name. I love Honeycombs, too. Even though I think they still shoot commercials featuring that insane crazy hairy thing (what IS that thing?!) who really, really wants Honeycombs, the cereal itself isn't half bad. But I can't even buy Trix, because those mean, nasty kids who never shared their cereal even though the poor rabbit really wanted to taste it have ruined the taste for me forever. I feel like if I buy a box of Trix, I'm paying out to those mean, non-sharing kids and making the rabbit suffer more. I used to cry over that stupid commercial because I felt so bad for that stupid made-up character. Any product who airs a commercial that makes me cry is blacklisted forever. No Trix for me.

I just realized something. Maybe Trix uses a rabbit character because rabbits come out of hats as a magic trick. That kinda makes sense. But then why is the cereal shaped like different kinds of fruit? I don't know anything. I'm talking cereal at 2:30 in the morning. Maybe I should pick this up another time, when I've had a chance to sleep.

So moral of the story: Don't support the illegal hunting of endangered animals. Or something.